#21: Gorgeous Harry? No, Gorgeous Hairy
Tides of Sulfur, the Air Turned to Acid, Introverted Funk, Weapons of Mass Creation, Grudgepacker, Pussy Tuesday
It’s BOGO, uh, Becember at Band Name Bureau! Researching a couple bands, I found other good ones who shared bills or releases with them. A theme was stumbled upon, then run with, so here we go.
“Tides of Sulfur” sounds like a reference to Paradise Lost or something, but my research into this Welsh doom band’s moniker turned up only two results: 1974’s Bibliography of Agriculture, volume 38, via Google Books (no preview available, because you can’t give that gold away for free); and a song called—ugh—“Solar Huntress” by a band called—oh dear God—Gandalf’s Fist.
Not since Healing Potpourri has a band name almost made me turn off my computer, walk out the door, and start a new life somewhere.
Turns out Gandalf’s Fist simply references these sulphureous tides in their lyrics: “Travel the time you’d dreamed so fair / sail on tides of sulphur air.” It’s whimsical, not ominous, befitting a band that describes itself as “a merry band of misfits,” because of course it does.
If you’re looking for the song “Crawling Through a Pit of Ash and Bone,” though, you’ll need to pick up The Last Words of a Dying Planet, their split release with…
A fellow UK sludge outfit—“Very fucking loud since 2011,” says its bio—who begins each Facebook post with a delightfully dismissive salutation, such as:
Greetings, fetid Bowel Stoats,
Greetings, lamentable Sewer Trout,
Greetings, contemptible Sputum Hoovers,
Greetings, odious Shit Biscuits,
Greetings, miserable Ünter-beings,
Greetings, malodorous Turd Urchins,
Greetings, odious Gooch Lice,
Greetings, pungent Queef Badgers,
Greetings, wretched Gas Maggots.
Greetings, Protozoan Jizzwizards,
The subsequent updates are also enjoyably contemptuous. “Vocal drone Rich was left in charge of post scheduling yesterday, and predictably failed in even this simple task,” goes a belated post announcing a new compilation. Another notes that Rich has spent the pandemic “knocking together guitars which he is pitifully incapable of playing properly.” Songs from 2018’s Black Zen Instruction include “It’s a Long Walk to Coney Island” and “Pinstripe Grey with Party Welts.” I love these guys.
Like their ska-playing colleagues, funk bands like to announce their chosen genre in their monikers. Glancing through my massive list of BNB and the Year in Band Names groups, I see the likes of 2Drunk2Funk (just godawful, how dare they), 420 Funk Mob (hard pass), Acu-Funk-ture (ugh), Bubonik Funk (wha?), Felonious Funk (blech), FunkMnkyz… OK, this just keeps getting worse, so I’ll stop. You get the point.
This is my own bias, but putting “funk” in your name automatically creates a hurdle for your band to overcome. (As Buddyhead’s old Rules of Rock put it, “Don’t play funk. Don’t even joke about playing funk.”) The members of LA’s Introverted Funk undoubtedly feel differently. Their positive vibes have no time for your funk hang-ups (funk-ups?), especially because their recent EP, I’ll Wait, is getting rave reviews:
Performing with Introverted Funk Sunday at the Teragram Ballroom in LA is Weapons of Mass Creation, who has one of those “Why hasn’t someone thought of this already?” names. (A quick skim of Bandcamp only turns up Weapons of Mass Productions, the Weapons of Ass Destruction, and Weapons of Bass Destruction.) But if you’re a seven-member “live Hip Hop band” that specializes in “funky, soulful and heartfelt beats with honest, positive and socially aware lyrics for your mind and soul,” Weapons of Mass Creation is a logical name. Flipping “destruction” into “creation” is an obvious move to express your optimistic POV as a “four-piece art rock band that combines different artistic forms and musical genres to highlight social injustice.” Wait, four-piece? Art rock? Shit. Turns out there is another Weapons of Mass Creation, and I’ve spent the past 10 minutes on the wrong Facebook page.
Well, what would you name your gay hardcore band?
Appearing at the Echo in LA on December 16, 2019: Co-Ed, Clit Eatswood, Lady Forbidden, Grudgepacker, Pussy Tuesday. Looking at the name Pussy Tuesday and singer Vicky Jean Mochi, you wouldn’t be surprised to hear they have a song called “Gorgeous Hairy,” but perhaps you would be surprised to learn it’s a strident anti-Trump song?
FUCK YR RACE WAR
You empowered Russia’s whore!
FUCK YR PATRIARCHY
FUCK YR HOMOPHOBIA
FUCK YR WHITE AMERICA
Pussy Tuesday contains multitudes, y’all.
The name of Tide of Sulfur’s drummer? Tom Lee. It’s like an alternate universe where Tommy Lee quit Mötley Crüe early on, settled down with a nice girl and a 9-to-5, and only played music on weekends. Every now and then, a stranger looks at him curiously and asks, “Are you Tommy Lee from Mötley Crüe?” Tom Lee smiles, chuckles a bit. “Tommy Lee? No one’s called me that in a long time.”
I eagerly await someone starting a band called Queef Badgers.
I make my little jokes, but this IG post from Grudgepacker frontman Allancito about being gay and punk and what the band means to him is lovely. Get it, Grü Krü.
PROGRAMMING NOTE: Paying subscribers will get two bonus editions this month due my skipping November. The first will arrive sometime after the 15th, and the second after Christmas.